ISIS Now in Control of 100% of Middle East’s Cotton Candy Stocks

Photo: Jerry Fjord - Minnesota State Fair 1983

RAAQA, SYRIA - Cotton candy prices are no longer child’s play in the Middle East. As of late Monday evening all cotton candy stocks and a high percentage of other confectionery delights are now in the hands of the group known as ISIS. When asked about the mildly hostile takeover, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi said, “Gaining control of the vast treat cache was, and I feel silly even saying this, like taking candy from a tiny infidel baby.” Still, the lack of resistance of market corrections has some analysts worried that pricing may be held hostage.

            Since gaining control Baghdadi has already flexed his new candy coated muscles with prices for cotton candy surging over 4000%. One Syrian, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “I have no idea what cotton candy is.”

            With no hope on the horizon, the Syrian people should expect supply to remain tight and prices to remain high. “I’m a kid in a candy store,” exclaimed al-Baghdadi “Honestly I can’t stop saying idioms. I’m seriously out of control.”