Immigration May Pass After Democrats Sweeten Crazy Pot With 'Border Surge'

Pop the champagne and pack a pipe! Our do-nothing congress that's comprised of totally insane man-children, who couldn't pass a non-pork laden bill if were presented to them on a silver platter by K-street, finally appears to be earning their six-figure salaries and never-ending perks. The Associated Press reports that a major breakthrough may be near regarding Republicans and Democrats finally passing an immigration bill.

It seems that the give-and-take compromise on part of an agreement being made between the party of no ideas and the party of bad ideas involves a rather costly, military-style surge to secure the porous border. Further, Democratic acceptance (or capitulation) of this measure will then supposedly give Republicans impetus to lift millions of immigrants out of the shadows and enable them to become citizens. Consequently, they will have the same opportunity to become apathetic morons who never vote or follow the issues, but yet never stop complaining about them.

Since this is America and nothing can be done without unnecessarily squandering money the country doesn't have on guns and war, the emerging deal calls for beefing up Border Patrol, including 20,000 new agents, new unmanned surveillance drones, 350 miles of new fencing, and a plethora of fixed and mobile devices to maintain vigilance. In other wards, a bunch of expensive toys that make already bloated private security and defense contractors even richer, ergo continuously pouring dark money into the campaign war chests of its cheerleaders in Congress. And also, a bunch of expensive toys that prove hilariously ineffective in the long run.

But if it gets Congress to momentarily remember to do the job that the people elected them to do, then why not.

Naturally, the new bloated and costly plan was announced by fiscal conservative Sens. John Hoeven of North Dakota and Bob Corker of Tennessee. The two virulently anti-immigration Republicans jumped on board once they found out the Democrats were so desperate to get this thing done and see the light of day in the obstreperous House, they would up the ante on crazy. It's like when you have to bribe a child with treats in order to do his homework, only those treats don't usually cost upwards of $30 billion and involve making the border look reminiscent of North Korea's DMZ.

It seems that they have an unlikely supporter in New Jersey's Democratic Senator Bob Menendez, who came out in support of border security but feels that the existing bill already contains enough. Unfortunately, if we don't call it a 'surge' than McCain and all his pretend army loving pals won't come out and play.

Here's what Menendez had to say on MSNBC's The Daily Rundown:

I really do believe we will pass comprehensive immigration reform. I think we will do it by the Fourth of July recess. I can see a pathway forward,” said Menendez, who is the chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Sens. John Hoeven of North Dakota and Bob Corker of Tennessee, two virulently anti-immigration Republicans who had been publicly uncommitted on the legislation. And it seems that they have an unlikely supporter in New Jersey's Democratic Senator Bob Menendez, who came out in support of border security but feels that the existing bill already contains enough.
 
I believe we have the toughest border security provisions in this legislation, $6.5 billion, largely devised by senators from the Border States who experience this challenge every day.

Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

 

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